Maria's Return
by GothicLover146
Summary: Maria reflects over her past and the current situation she finds herself in after having just returned from the abbey. I know this area is well gone over in fan fiction, but I thought I would give it a shot as my first SOM fan fiction as a way to test out the waters. I dedicate this to everyone on the ProBoards who encouraged me to finish and post my work. I hope you enjoy it!
1. Maria Returns

**Special thanks to all of the lovely ladies on the ProBoards for encouraging me to post my work. It means a great deal to me. Thank you all so much!

" _The people you love the most leave your life for no reason"_. That was one of the first things Maria's uncle had said to her when she went to live with him after her parents had died. He never really spoke about her parent's death much after that. In fact, he normally didn't speak to her about anything at all. He just drank. He seemed to think that he could find the answers to life's questions at the bottom of a bottle. She never fully understood why her uncle felt that way about love and loss. Surely everything happened for a reason. Nothing happened for the sake of just happening. It didn't really matter she supposed, she never liked being around him after she had moved in with him anyway. He was always drinking and yelling obscenities at whoever was closest to him which, most of the time, was Maria. Everything he said to her was something along the lines of "do your chores you lazy little leech" or "what do you want me to do about it you ungrateful brat?". It hurt her feelings quite a bit as a child, but as she got older she learned not to take offense to the names her uncle called her. She knew he was just drunk and that he honestly disliked everyone and everything. He resented the fact that she was under his care and took his rage out on her. He hated his life.

He had had never beaten her per say, but he had grabbed her in anger on more than one occasion. Maria could still remember every detail about her time on her uncle's farm to this day. Grasping her in anger occasionally left marks, but never anything too severe. Or at least nothing too obvious that couldn't be explained with a simple lie. He would throw things in her direction, small objects really, and he raised a hand to her every now and then, but he rarely left her with injuries severe enough to need medical attention. Rarely. Did she hate her uncle? No. Life was too short to waste hating anyone, but she did pray that he would eventually see the error of his ways. Even so, when Maria was old enough to leave, she seized the opportunity and left. She may have been naive amongst many other things at such a young, impressionable age, but she had never been a fool: men like her uncle did not tend to change. She hadn't spoken to him since the day she left his farm years ago. She didn't know if he had gotten any better or if he was still just the same drunken, decrepit man he always had been. She didn't even know if he was still alive.

Maria had been a young girl when she discovered the abbey. She had yet to return home from school that day, and she had been delaying her return for as long as possible. Her uncle hadn't cared. He probably hadn't even noticed. In fact, she was positive that he didn't even know what time school ended at. She hadn't been having a good day as she recalled. Besides not wanting to return home, Maria hadn't been very popular to say the least, and she didn't really have any friends. She had always been the odd one out. If they didn't mock her they pitied her, and she resented that more than being mocked. Maria didn't want their pity. She knew her unfortunate situation had made her appear fragile and sensitive in their eyes: weak in other words. She was not weak. Far from it. She did not need a shoulder to cry on and she did not need their sympathy. She was fine on her own. So she kept to herself and did as she was told.

Well, _some_ of the time she did as she was told. Maria always managed to get into trouble somehow. Climbing trees and tearing her clothes, ruining her shoes running through huge mud puddles, wandering too far away from the rest of the group whenever they went outside, singing too loudly or at an inopportune time, fighting with other children because they had dared make fun of her to her face, even talking back to the teachers when she knew she was right. Maria hadn't been a bad child or even a problem child: she had just been misunderstood.

She had heard the sisters singing in the garden on their way to vespers and she climbed the tree next to the stone wall to get a better look at them. Maria knew right then and there that she wanted to become a nun. They all seemed so content, as if they hadn't had a care in the world. They all had a place in the abbey and each and every one of the sisters had an important role. That was what stuck out to her the most: they were all wanted and important in their own way. They lived simply and always had love in their hearts. That was all she had ever wanted out of life. From that moment onwards, Maria promised to devote her life to god and his service.

Of course she hadn't fit in at the abbey either, unlike she had hoped. Maria had tried her hardest to be disciplined and do as she was told, but as usual, she just couldn't stay put for long. She needed to be one with nature; she needed to be free. She was constantly getting into trouble once again. She still tore her clothes climbing trees, still ruined her shoes trudging through muddy water, still wandered and went to the mountains without permission, still sang when she wasn't suppose to, and she still argued her point with almost everyone around her (mainly Sister Berthe). She had managed to make a few of them smile and even giggle on occasion, but she still wasn't actually accepted at the abbey. The only two who had seemed willing to give her a chance were Sister Margaretta and the Reverend Mother.

Even so, the Revered Mother didn't seem too sure about Maria's position at the abbey either. She understood what the Reverend Mother was telling her without her even having to say the words on _both_ occasions she sent Maria to the von Trapp villa. It wasn't that she lacked the love, the devotion, or even the motivation to become a nun; she lacked the discipline and the temperament. It wasn't something she could expect from herself, though there was nothing wrong with her faith; it was simply Maria that was the problem. She knew the Reverend Mother had only been trying to reassure her and she summed it all up to if the will of God was for Maria to sing her heart out and be one with nature, who was she to stop her? Maria knew the Reverend Mother was only trying to comfort her, but it didn't hurt any less. It hurt to know that once again, she did not belong where she had most wanted to belong. Looking back on the experience now, Maria supposed in a way she lost as much hope as she gained within the next five minutes.

While she was incredibly upset that the dream she had of being a nun would never become a reality, she was also quite relieved and oddly excited in a way. There was no more pressure for her to fit in anymore and she could finally stop worrying about breaking the rules or letting someone down. The more Maria tried to be optimistic, the more excited she became. She could finally run to the hills and sing as much as she liked. She could climb whatever trees she wanted without caring if she ripped her clothing, no matter how frowned upon that was in polite society. But, the best realization of all was that Maria could finally admit that she was in love with Captain von Trapp. She had refused to accept the way she felt before, but after the Reverend Mother had made it painfully obvious that the thoughts and feelings she had been having were of no other than love, she realized just how much she did indeed love the Captain.

Maria continued to think about the future she may have while impatiently waiting for the bus to arrive at her stop and just like the first time, she barreled out of the bus and down the dirt road. She didn't know what possessed her to go around the back instead of entering through the front, but to this day Maria was glad that she did. Had she not, she would have gone in through the front and who knows what kind of embarrassing situation she would have found herself in? Either way, Maria found herself in a rather tricky situation just minutes after her return that shattered the fragile hopes and dreams that had just begun to form.

**Thank you all so much for reading. I hope you all enjoyed the first part of the short story I have created, though I must admit, the other part/parts are probably a lot longer. Please leave a review, as it is always appreciated.


	2. The Ugly Truth

_Sorry it took so long to update, so here's an extra long chapter to make up for it. Chapter 3 is already in the works so it shouldn't take nearly as long. Happy reading!_

Maria had run to the von Trapp villa in a whirlwind of uncertainty and excitement. To the place where her uncertain future lay, expecting to be embraced by the seven wonderful children she had grown to love so much and prepared to face the Captain; the man who held her future and her heart entirely in the palm of his hand. While she was indeed embraced by those seven wonderful children, she was not as prepared to face the Captain as she thought she was. Had she been equipped with the knowledge the children had given her upon her arrival she never would have returned.

When she heard the children singing, so solemnly and so unlike themselves, she couldn't help but join in. Maria wanted nothing more then to stop the hurt and loneliness she could clearly hear in their voices. Soon it was only her singing, as they all stared in disbelief that she was indeed walking into their backyard. They ran to her in such a rush that when they finally all came over to hug her, she was almost knocked over. They all hovered near her, as if they couldn't believe that she was real and that she might vanish if they dared look away.

"Oh, children, I've so glad to see you!" She exclaimed.

"We missed you!" Marta said in return.

Maria ruffled the young girl's hair slightly. "I missed you." Then turning to Kurt, she asked, "Kurt, how are you?" Sure enough, the boy responded with his infamous reply.

"Hungry." They all shared a laugh before Gretl held up her finger for Maria to see. She leaned down to the youngest von Trapp's eye level.

"Gretl, what happened to your finger?"

"It got caught."

"Caught in what?"

"Friedrich's teeth." They all shared another laugh as Maria glanced back at the eldest boy. She noted how he laughed out of embarrassment and shrugged his shoulders.

"Liesl, are you alright?" She asked as they all began making their way towards the house.

"Just fair." She replied with a shrug.

Maria disguised her next question with a different question, but she was sure Liesl would know what she meant. "Many telegrams been delivered here lately?"

"None at all, fraulein, but I'm learning to accept it. I'll be glad when school begins." Maria couldn't help but smile as she thought of her own situation. She gave the young woman some advice she wished someone else had given her much sooner.

"Oh, Liesl, you can't use school to escape your problems. You have to face them." She smiled back at the oldest von Trapp child. "Oh, I have so much to tell you all."

"We have things to tell you too." Louisa said, almost as if something were just occurring to her.

"I'm sure you do." She nodded, not really understanding how much of an impact the next few words she would hear would affect her life. Then, Brigitta spoke up, seeming to be well aware that she was the bearer of bad news. What she said rendered all of the other children's voices silent.

"The most important thing is that father is going to be married."

For a split second, Maria was sure that she would have heard a pin drop. Then she thought that she wouldn't have been able to hear anything at all as she could only hear the sound of her own heart stopping and the blood rushing to her head.

"Married?" She asked, trying to cover the shocked and breathless tone in her voice.

"Yes,' Louisa spoke up, 'to Baroness Schraeder." She added regretfully.

All of the other children watched as a look they were not familiar with crossed their beloved governess's face. She looked from Brigitta to Louisa before she stared off into space.

She could only reply with, "Oh, I see."

Suddenly, the children began to shout happily as their father appeared on the veranda. For a split second she felt paralyzed with fear, but Maria quickly masked her expression and true feelings with the best indifferent face she could muster. After staring at each other for a few moments in silence, Maria finally nodded her head as a way of greeting.

"Good evening, Captain." She said. She was surprised by the fact that her voice hadn't come out as a broken whisper.

"Good evening." He replied, clearly surprised. A small smirk appeared on his lips, and Maria's lips thinned in return. She could not have returned even the smallest of smiles even if she had wanted to. The last thing she wanted to do right now was smile. "Alright, everyone inside. Go and get your dinner." He finished, clapping his hands together. The children all rushed past him, taking Maria's things and sense of security with them.

She hadn't been prepared to face him so soon, especially with what she knew now. Now all she wanted to do was follow the children inside and forget she had felt anything for their father at all. If she had the choice, she would never be left alone with him again, even if the children were just inside.

The Captain slowly began making his way down the steps and towards her. Maria resisted the urge to take a step back with every step forward he took.

"You left without saying goodbye, even to the children." He stated, staring at her as if he himself were amazed that she stood before him.

"Well it was wrong of me. Forgive me." She said, putting up every bit of strength she had to turn her devastation into coldness. She refused to show how she truly felt. What little dignity she still had she wanted to save. But, unlike Maria had hoped, his next question was yet another blow to her already wounded psyche.

"Why did you?"

The hurt in his voice was disguised as intrigue, but she could hear the difference. The Captain was only hurt because she had disappointed him no doubt. She had left without a word and he had been left to deal with his distraught children. Why should he have welcomed her back warmly? Why would he have been happy to see her? As a matter of fact, why would he have wanted her to come back at all? Even if he were not engaged to the Baroness, why would he want a foolish young woman who was so scared of herself and her feelings that her own shadow would have ran her off?

Maria once again braced herself and continued to try and severe all ties with her emotions for the time being.

"Please don't ask me. Anyway, the reason no longer exists." She shrugged, shaking her head. It was better he know nothing at all than to give him the slightest implication as to why she had left.

"Fraulein Maria, you've returned. Isn't it wonderful, Georg?"

Maria was suddenly greeted by the cold and possessive Baroness, who dug her nails so deeply into the Captain's arm that she was surprised he didn't bleed. When the Baroness wasn't watching his every facial expression like a hawk, she was watching hers. Maria felt her eyes glare daggers into her skin almost as if the daggers were real. She could tell that the Baroness was silently daring her to say what was really on her mind, but she was well aware that Maria would never do that. She appeared to know exactly what she was thinking and it almost seemed that she took delight in knowing that Maria was too stubborn, too self-conscious to confess to anything; including what she had said to her the night of the party.

As quick as it was possible, Maria swallowed what was left of her pride and gave them her congratulations. The Baroness was able to tell that her words were forced and by no means had any real feeling of happiness towards the newly engaged couple in them. She moved past them as quickly as she could. She would not give the Baroness the satisfaction of seeing her crumble like an aged pillar. What took her by surprise was when the Captain almost rushed after her.

"You are back to stay?"

How could he honestly ask that of her? Could he not see the despair, the humiliation written across her face? Maria was never good at hiding her true feelings, he must have seen how she truly felt despite the congratulations she gave them. What Maria wanted to say was that she couldn't stand by and watch the man she loved marry another woman and dissolve into tears as she ran for dear life as far away as she could get.

What she actually did was shake her head and say, "Only until arrangements can be made for another governess." With that, she rushed off into the house. The Captain must have understood in that moment that her heart had shattered. If he didn't, he must have been the most oblivious man to ever walk upon the earth. Even Elsa Schraeder saw the look on her face and knew what it had meant. Why would she come back so suddenly only to be replaced by another governess? Why would she have bothered to come back at all if that were the case?

Maria hurried as fast as it was possible up the stairs without looking like she was running and shut herself in her old room. It hadn't changed much since her departure about two weeks prior, in fact it looked exactly the same. Everything was exactly the way she had left it, besides her carpet bag and guitar case that now sat on the floor near the wardrobe. It was at this time that Maria finally stopped fighting the tears that had been building up for the past two weeks and let them run freely down her face. It felt like a dam had finally burst from behind her eyes.

The words of her uncle suddenly came back to her as she practically threw herself in the chair by the window. The people you love the most leave your life for no reason. For once in her life, Maria could relate to something her uncle had said. She finally understood what he had meant. At the time, she had thought leaving had meant death, but he hadn't meant that at all. He meant that the people that you love, the ones who may not love you in return, will walk out of your life just as easily as they walked in. He meant that no matter how much you think you know someone, they just may end up surprising you and abandon you when you need them most. He meant that no matter how much you love someone, they will always end up leaving you; leaving her.

It was not entirely fair for Maria to think that way she quickly acknowledged, as she had actually left the Captain first by fleeing to the abbey, but at least she had come back to fix her mistake. Now he had left her, though physically he was sitting on the veranda outside with his Baroness. He had shrugged her off as if she were nothing to him and had proposed to another woman. Maybe she had misinterpreted the signs the Captain had given her the night of the party. But, how could she have? He had been kinder to her in the days since their infamous argument by the lake, warmed up to her even. They met in the evenings to discuss how the children had been and how their studies were going and they would easily get sidetracked with other topics. Maria had even spoken to him about her past. Though she didn't reveal much, she still admitted more to him than she had ever admitted to another soul. He would often tell her stories of his life in the navy and of the children when they were younger. Had she misinterpreted his actions? Did he really see her as no more than a friend, or worse yet, just the governess?

Maria had come to realize in her twenty two years of life that she often desired things that destroyed her in the end. Every want, every wish, every dream, and every person she had ever loved ended up adding onto the immeasurable amount of pain she secretly carried around on a day-to-day basis. She was never able to fully grasp anything she truly wanted. It felt oddly comforting to know that she couldn't possibly lose anymore than she already had in life; she couldn't sink any lower than she already was. Then, a sudden feeling of numbness began to take over. Was this what it felt like to have your heart broken? She quickly corrected herself. The Captain hadn't actually broken her heart; you cannot break something that's already broken.

It wasn't that he had broken her heart at all. It felt more like he had begun to put the pieces of it back together only to have it collapse when he couldn't figure out how they had even fit together in the first place. One of the cruelest things a person can do is to awaken someone's love without having any intentions of truly loving them in return and Maria finally knew how it felt. The Baroness was right all along; he would have never given her the time of day. He only fancied her before because he had found her attractive, but he had gotten over that rather quickly.

Maria sat for a while and wallowed in her own self pity until she realized she was doing the exact same thing she had always hated being done to her. She detested being pitied, but for some reason she was pitying herself. It wasn't making her feel any better and it wasn't going to get her anywhere either, that was certain. She finally stood from her seat and wiped at her eyes. Her silent cries and stream of tears had finally ceased for the time being and Maria moved to the bathroom to wash her face. There was no point in dwelling on something that was never meant to be and she wouldn't waste any more of her time thinking about it.

After washing her face with cold water and dabbing the moisture away, she finally moved to the wardrobe to see what was left inside. Just like the room, nothing inside the wardrobe had been touched either. She let out a deep sigh as she realized that the only two options she had were the dress she wore the night of the party or the infamous blue dress. Going against her better judgement, she took out the blue dress. She hadn't worn it in awhile and she foolishly hoped that they had forgotten what it stood for or at least when she had last worn it; especially the Baroness.

Dinner went as awkwardly as her return, only this time Maria was grateful to have the children as a distraction. Her entrance was almost as embarrassing as the night she had arrived; she was the last one to arrive at the table and the eyes of everyone in the room had rested upon her as she made her way to her seat. Though she had an excuse as to why she didn't have to bother looking down at the other end of the table, she couldn't help but notice how the Captain stared at her just like the children had; as if she would disappear if he dared to look away.

The Baroness continued to eye both her and the Captain as they all ate their meal, though her eyes were not on her for very long as she noticed that Maria was not bothering to look in their direction. As soon as the children were allowed to leave the table, she followed close behind them, relieved that the Captain hadn't called her back to speak with him. It was almost as if he could sense the distance she was intentionally placing between them.

Maria spent the next few hours with the children, content to indulge their every desire. She used that time to not only to catch up with the children, but to clear her mind. She hadn't wanted to think about the situation she currently found herself in and any distraction was a welcomed one. Yet for some reason, Maria was still uneasy. She was well aware that her time at the von Trapp villa was limited and that she could not stay there for very much longer. And as the children's bedtime drew closer, Maria knew that she was in for a long night.


End file.
